App Based Dating: But wait, is the grass greener on the other side?
Tinder. Bumble. Coffee Meets Bagel. Silver Singles. Plenty of Fish. Our Time. eHarmony.
The list goes on and on. App-based dating is here and from what we can see it is here to stay. For many happy couples app-based dating started their love story and for others it creates the dating scene that is accessible and convenient. But is app-based dating causing unforeseen challenges when meeting your match?
A constant message that I hear in my office is… “But could it be better?” I hear this from singles that are looking for a committed relationship as well as those that are in relationships trying to decide if the relationship is right for them.
Now don’t get me wrong. I have worked with many with individuals over the past 10 years that are struggling to determine if their current relationship will bring them long term happiness, if their current partner is “the one”, and clients that are simply trying to work out the “what if’s” of the future. But I cannot help but to notice that the frequency of the “But could it be better?” question has greatly increased.
One trend that I have noticed from the clients that are asking the “but could it be better?” question is that they all have a history of app-based dating.
So, does app-based dating encourage us to shift our dating mindset away from being present in the moment with the one we are with to a ‘could it be better’ mindset? Have we become so used to the instant gratification of swiping on a person’s picture / profile and talking to multiple people at once, that even when we are in a relationship that is not only meeting our needs but is also bringing us happiness that we are priming ourself to keep looking at what else is out there?
If this is the case, what do we do about it?
I do not think avoiding or eliminating app-based dating is the goal. I believe that it is getting back to identifying our true wants and needs in each relationship, utilizing assertive communication, and increasing every day mindfulness. If we are entering relationships with a clear idea of what we truly want, we will be more able to answer our own question of ‘could it be better?’ Once we know what we want and if we have found it, we can have clear assertive communication with our partner(s) to keep it going and fix the challenges that may pop up. Then if we get back to a more mindful lifestyle, we can help ourself live in the moment and enjoy the person or people that we are with.
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