What do you do when you marriage is in trouble?
Do you see a marriage counselor or do you see a divorce lawyer?
Many people struggle with the decision of what to do when they know their marriage is in trouble. And the reality is that there are three paths you can take.
The 1st path is to do nothing, stay on the course, live life as it is. Are you happy with your life as it is? Can you foresee you and your partner staying exactly as you are now? The 2nd path is to get a divorce. To seek out the assistance of mediators, legal counsel, and the court system to put an end to the challenges you and your spouse are currently facing. Are you both ready for divorce? The 3rd path is to make a commitment to your partner and your marriage and put your best effort in to marriage counseling. Are you both willing to dedicate the time and energy to counseling?
What if you do not know which path to take or your partner wants a different path?
It’s wonderful to know that there are three paths, but which path do you choose? Do you start marriage counseling to realize that you and your partner are simply not fit for each other and then get a divorce? Do you jump blindly into a trial separation that ultimately ends in divorce and possible regret for having not done everything you possibly could to save your marriage to the person that you planned to spend the rest of your life with? Or do you leave things exactly as it is out of pure horror for what the other two options may look like?
What if there was a quick way to figure out what path you and your partner should be on?
Now there is. There’s no reason to arbitrarily choose what path to take and what direction your life, your relationship, and ultimately your family will go in blindly. Through Discernment Coaching we help couples to figure out exactly which path they should take. Traditionally, all three paths can be emotionally and financially draining if you choose the wrong one.
Staying par for the course can cause great emotional damage, erode trust, create long-term impacts on your ability to form future relationships, and interfere with your ability to learn the skills to save your marriage in the future.
Marriage counseling can be wildly successful for couples where both want to save the marriage. But what if you or your partner aren’t sure if the marriage should be saved? You can end up in marriage counseling for months or years spending thousands of dollars and diving into deep emotional conflicts only to determine that it was not the right path.
And divorces, that are not equally wanted, can lead to contentious legal proceedings that drain bank accounts and last for months, if not years. They can make you question your sense of self, cause emotional damage to children, cause friends and family members to pick sides, and impact your long-term life goals.
Taking the time to decide which path is truly right for you and your partner not only saves time and energy, but also sets you and your family up for the highest levels of success.
Not every couple we work with will remain in their marriage and not everyone will divorce. However, every couple that we work with will know what to do on the path that they choose. Each couple will have a complete action plan tailored to their relationship and their path that they can move forward with confidently. This may include, but is not limited to:
Ways to live peacefully with one another if we choose to make no other changes
Communication skill and conflict resolution strategies
Connections to top-notch marriage counselors to assist you in devoting time and energy into saving your marriage and learning the tools how to do so
areas to address in marriage counseling that will work to rebuild your relationship
outline of what each member commits to working on individually to seek personal growth and self-improvement
Steps to make to consciously uncouple and smoothly go through the divorce process
resources and trainings on positively coparent
ways to avoid expensive legal battles
separation resources and support option
So, what if you still have some questions…
How long does this take?
Although this process is different for each couple. The program is 1-5 meetings. Each meeting is 120 minutes in length.
Does each meeting really need to be two hours?
Because of the structure of the program each meeting does in fact need to be two hours. Some meetings go a little bit shorter and some go a little bit longer. But I do ask that everyone allows two hours in their schedule when we schedule a meeting.
So, you’re telling me that after 2 hours with you, you're going to tell us exactly what to do?
Partly yes and partly no.
Yes, in that the goal is that you will end the first session with a better understanding of which direction you and your partner will begin to go in. Some couples are not yet ready to make a 100% commitment in going in one direction and want additional sessions to really solidify the plan for the path they are taking.
No, in that we do not simply meet with a couple and tell them "you need to go down ____ path." It is not our role to tell you the direction you will go in. Our role is to facilitate you and your partner in making this decision together.
How / where do we meet?
Everything that we will be doing is via HIPAA compliant video conferencing. That means that you and your partner chose the location that you are most comfortable with. However, there may be times where you and your spouse are or need to be in different locations, this is completely okay and sessions will take place seamlessly. If you are near our San Diego office you are more than welcome to come to the office for sessions, however due to the length of the session and break out portions many clients prefer meeting online.
My partner said they will not do marriage counseling, what should I do?
Well this is NOT counseling. This is coaching to help you both determine which path you should take. Ask your partner if they are willing to attempt one meeting. More often than not, partners who are not open to counseling that participate in one meeting remain on board for the rest of the process.
Do you take insurance?
Because this is not counseling and sessions are longer than the standard session, it is not covered by insurance.
What kind of couples do you typically work with?
Discernment work is designed for couples that have different agendas or views of the relationship. This may mean that one person wants to work towards resolving marriage conflicts while the other person may want out of the relationship. This can occur for many different reasons including no longer feeling that spark in a relationship, affairs, not progressing towards long-term goals, etc.
What is the first step?
The first step is to reach out to us to end the emotional confusion and struggles you and your partner, are currently facing. Gain clear and concise direction on the next steps you will take and which path you should be on in a maximum of five sessions.
If you feel that my program is speaking directly to you and would like more information on how Discernment Coaching can help you and your partner please send us a message at firstname.lastname@example.org or call us at (760)566-5516.